Am I doing this right?

For anyone who has kept up with my blog for a while I’m sorry this is yet another rant about how I’m unsure of things. I’m a twenty something student. What did you expect?

I’m a psychology major at university. Everyone who knows this tells me it’s a “stepping stone” degree. I suppose what they mean is that you can branch off into many different fields with it. I’ve thought lots about what I will one day do with my degree in progress and I’ve seriously considered clinical psychology, neuropsychology, social work and most recently child psychology. The thing is I don’t think I’d succeed in any of them.

I quickly ended up vetoing clinical psychology mainly because you need a 3.9 GPA to even be considered, but mainly because I think I would be constantly triggered by my clients. As one with lots of mental health issues myself, it would be difficult to try and help someone with the same thing as me. Also I’m a terrible listener. Neuropsychology was a brief thought that quickly disappeared when I realized I really dislike neuroscience. I don’t care about axons and dendrites, okay? Social work is one I still say I’m most interested in, but I realized I would probably be way too emotional seeing people in awful situations. Lastly, child psychology interested me because I have mad baby fever and anything to do with babies or toddlers excites me greatly.

This summer I’ve taken on two jobs that are supposedly “more in my field”. Honestly anything other than retail is what I was aiming for. I’m a nanny and I also do respite work. I thought these jobs would be easy considering I have lots of experience with the disabled due to my brother and experience with children due to spending lots of time with my boyfriend’s siblings and nephew. It’s not what I expected. The first nannying job of the summer I was “let go” due to financial issues, but I think otherwise. I’m pretty hesitant around small children and I became really exhausted after a few hours. I’m always exhausted after taking care of kids and I actually thought this would’t happen. Yes I’m naive, but I thought I’d love it and never get tired and want to come back everyday. I don’t. This has really worried me considering I dream about one day (in the far off future) becoming a mom to my own kids. Will I suck at it? Will I just be exhausted all the time?

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m a bit disappointed that I’m not a “natural” at the whole kids thing. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it’s honestly changed my thoughts on what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m the type of person who needs to plan things. I plan what I need to get done each day every night before I go to sleep. I don’t like having my future have a big question mark. I’m sure things will work out and that God will show me what I’m meant to do.

Thanks for reading xoxoxo