Life isn’t fair…it really ISN’T

I’ve had a hard time with people all throughout my life. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) when I was 19 due to my hard childhood and abuse. Part of PTSD is triggers and flashbacks and trust me, they aren’t as fun as they sound. I could be in 711 buying a bus pass and a certain smell could remind me of something and BOOM I’m gone right out of logic land and straight for paranoia world. 

Over my first year of university I lived with 3 other girls who were around the same age as me. I thought this was going to be a change and that I was going to have some female friends. I even thought they could be like sisters, but boy was I wrong. It seemed like all one of them wanted to do was bully and belittle me and get the other two to back her up. It worked. I left the house as soon as I finished my last final and didn’t look back. It was a traumatic experience and I was having nightmares about it even weeks after I had got home. I finally thought that I was starting to forget and let go of what had happened but then BOOM the land lady contacted my family. 

On Monday the land lady (who is like a mother to the bully) contacted my family to claim that we owed them over $500 for damages that I did not do. She even threatened to take us to court. My family has told her that she is wrong and inflating everything but this woman is not giving up. She is now harassing my family about the money we don’t owe. As you can probably tell, this has taken the biggest toll on my well being and mental health. I am now having flashbacks and thinking the land lady and the bully roommate are coming to my work, home and boyfriend’s house. I am having panic attacks at least 5x a day and it’s getting in the way of things. I’m feeling physically ill because of how much fear and stress I am in. 

I don’t really have a conclusion to today’s post, but I just hope if you take away anything it’s that bullying and harassment is not just a childhood thing and that it occurs even well into adulthood. Also, PTSD does not just affect soldiers or military officers, but it is alive and well in those who have been under abuse or trauma in the past. Maybe think about this before you harass someone or look weird at the girl who is having a panic attack at the bus stop.

Thanks for reading xoxoxo

 

May Monthly Challenge

I am a person with a lot of bad habits and I’ve decided each month I am going to try to stop or minimize them. This month my challenge is to stop eating out or buying food (aside from groceries).

It honestly makes me feel ill to know how much money I waste on eating out. As a student, I’m constantly tight on money which is stressful and it’d be a lot less so if I stopped wasting money on going to Boston Pizza, Wendy’s or Pizza 73 to name a few of my go to spots. As a vegan, it’s starting to make a lot less sense why I go out to eat so much considering I’m usually stuck eating fries, pasta or some sort of salad which I could easily make at home.

On another note, I also spend too much money on buying junk food to binge on (and purge). It’s a lose-lose situation as I waste money and I feel like crap after it. I always regret it as I am trying to stop my horrendous binge-purge cycle.

The only exceptions to this are: going out with parents who are buying food, legitimate celebration and emergencies (stranded).

I will give you all an update of how I did at the end of this month. Let’s hope I last longer than a day.

Thanks for reading xoxoxoxo