Stop thinking and live

This is something I have had a hard time with for a while. Living in the moment, being in the hear and now, focusing on today, whatever you want to call it. I spend way too much time thinking about the future or dwelling about the past and I have a sneaky suspicion that I’m not the only one.

Dwelling on the past:

My past, especially my childhood and adolescence, was very hard. I spent a lot of my time daydreaming of the future and imagining everything would magically be prefect once I turned eighteen. Boy was I wrong. I didn’t realize that hard times don’t resolve themselves once you turn a certain age. I really try to forget about my past and move on, but of course for me that would just be too easy. I often find myself like a broken record going back and being upset and wanting to rant about things that happened years ago. It’s like I remember something and feel like I haven’t completely been as upset as I should be about it. To make things even harder, I also have post traumatic stress disorder which can make moving forward nearly impossible. I have a lot of triggers that can take me to flashbacks where I literally believe I am back in a certain time period. I also have had a lot of periods of dark depression where I spent my time laying in bed. I often feel guilty about how much of my life I have “wasted”.

Thinking about the future:

As I mentioned earlier, I spent a lot of my past daydreaming about the future. As you could imagine I had a lot of high expectations and as you expected nothing went the way I fantasized. I am also a really big planner. Every night before I go to bed I plan out the next day and I have everything that is happening on my little calendar. This has been really beneficial for school, but not so beneficial when it comes to taking things slow. I now am not living and enjoying the moment, but rather thinking of everything that is coming ahead. It’s like my whole life is one big to-do list sometimes.

How I plan to live in the present:

-listening and enjoying the sounds of music, nature and other surroundings

-taking deep breaths when things seem like they’re going too fast

-not planning so far ahead

-thinking only about what is happening on the current days

-no naps unless during exam season

-prayers and Bible time daily (this seems to slow things down immensely for me)

This will definitely be a task for me, but life is too damn short to not enjoy!

Thanks for reading xoxoxo


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