The title describes me as a person to a tee. People literally burst out laughing when I say I’m religious.
I “became” a Christian nearly 7 years ago in a school gymnasium crowded with sweaty teenagers. I had been raised in a Christian household, but I never really got the whole Jesus thing. I had heard committing your life to God was going to change your life and your ways forever and honestly… it did. My 14 year old “ways” flipped 180. I stopped cussing, sneaking out of the house, and reading smutty novels. I decided I was done with the school I was going to (and doing bad things) and enrolled right away in Christian school. I prayed constantly and read devotions every morning. I was very outspoken about my new faith and shared it on Facebook (this was 2010 ok). Life was going in the right direction…
Honestly, the first couple years of my faith were good. I was following all the rules without question and attended church every week.. sometimes more than once. Things started to change when I entered my last year of high school. I began to question things. I really started disagreeing with a lot of the things my Christian school was teaching. I began despising the “hypocrites” that led worship in chapel one day and then snorted cocaine the next. I began distancing myself more and more from the charismatic Christian people I was once so drawn to.
Flash forward roughly four years and I’m a mess. I’ve done nearly all the “worst” things a Christian could do. Drugs, sex, alcohol, stealing, you name it and I’ve probably done it. All this time I’ve still been a Christian. How can this be? Well, this is what I’m trying to figure out.
My parents say I’ve strayed from my faith, but in actuality I’ve become much stronger in it. Me questioning things has made me realize and validate what I truly believe in. Me messing up has caused me to lean on God for forgiveness and grace. I have learned so much these past years that it has made me a stronger person.
“You’re not really a Christian if you do blank” some people say. Who is to judge but God himself? If you look through the Bible ALL of the people (excluding Mary) were complete messes. Knowing this has made me realize that God can still use me and love me even if I’m not perfect. I may not be the “perfect” Christian to some people, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a growing relationship with God!
I will happily take the title of the “worst”. I know what I have done (and will do) is wrong and I’m doing my best to improve, but sometimes I mess up. Paul the apostle, who is seen by most as one of the most beloved followers of God even claimed this of himself as “the worst”.
“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners: of whom I am the worst” 1 Timothy 1:15
Thanks for reading xoxoxo